Artajo, Val (in denial, 1 month)
Cadete, Jan Caster (can’t remember)
Culala, Arnel (11 days)
Devilla, Justine Paul (1 year and a month?)
Dote, Jace (2 weeks I guess)
Guevarra, Vergil Ian (3 + 3 days)
Kerr, Evanne Erick (2 1/2 mos.)
Pambuan, Raymond Jerome (NVM)
Raymundo, Teejay Robert (1 or 2 mos.)
Reniva, Steve (in denial, 6 days)
Reyes, Reginald (1 mo.?)
Vergara, Vincent ( jkufgiguidgnhjds :| )
Plus an “A” and a “J” which I couldn’t name.
Iniyakan ko lahat yan a. Lulz.
This is what you call a trip. How about listing yours?
I don’t know why I have this fetish o guy photographers. No matter how they look like, the very time I got amazed there’s no point I’ll stop liking them. Though I haven’t seen them yet I got this guilty feeling that they turn me on. And why? I have no idea. Blame my ego!
Their keen eyes seem to hypnotize me with what they saw and how beautiful they could show it to me. I love the way they view the world. I love the way they see something awesome out of the junk. This makes me feel that there will come a time when they could see something beautiful at my worst.
I think there’s something on me that I couldn’t decipher that a photographer could do.
It hurts to love someone when you can’t tell what you really feel. You’re the only one who knew, and sometimes you’re the only one left loving. And the other, they have left you hanging.
They weren’t aware that you love them because you no longer want them to know. Sometimes,you get hurt without them knowing. But definitely it was your choice, whatever your reason, we’ll maybe it’s the best to keep silent. All in all, it was your choice to be hurt.
We hate it when we see them flirting around when in fact, its us who pushed them through. We get jealous without the right to feel that way. They weren’t ours, they were no longer ours.
We always want to see them, we wanted to be with them, we want to spend each and every moment of our life with them but we forgot the fact that they weren’t always around to be there for us. We want their time without being in the position to demand for it.
Then nothing’s left, but ourselves. Until our heart’s breaking in silence. But despite it, we continue to love because somehow in this hurtful love, there’s still the hope pf having the simple moments with them. Even if it means being just friends.
What hurts the most, it is when you know it’s enough, but you don’t know how to stop. We are stupid. But we can’t blame ourselves. we’re in-love.
Pasensyana, pati kayo sinasama ko pa, paguwi natin sabay sabay pang napapagalitan. Akala ko kasi sa tuwing magkakasama tayo hanggang sa mga sususnod na araw nananatili akong nakatawa. Pero pagnag-uwian na tayo, naiwan nanaman akong mag-isa.
Pasensya ka na, inaabuso pa kita. Akala ko kasi sabay ng pagkalasing ko at pagtulog ko, bukas nakatakas na ko sa lahat. Akala ko kasabay hilo at pagsuka ko nailalabas ko na din ang masasakit na salitang natanggap ko. Hindi naman ikaw ang sagot diba? Pero salamat ha? Lagi kang nandyan, madaling nabibili sa mga suking tindahan.
Yosi. Pasensya ka na, sa pagsindi ko, unti- unti kitang nauubos, akala ko kasi sa bawat paghithit ko kasabay ng paglaho ng usok mo dala na nito ang lahat ng masamang alaala ko.
Pasensya na, namumura pa tuloy kita tuwing naaalala ko siya, ikaw naman kasi e, akala ko naiintindihan mo din ako, masyado ka kasing patama. Pinaiyak mo nanaman ako, ikaw talaga, wag mo na lang ulitin ha?
Kama. Pasensya ka na, para na tuloy akong pinagpasapasahan, bukas pangako ang kasama ko dito yun na din ang taong pakakasalan ko. Akala ko kasi yung kasama ko nung isang gabi na katabi ko dito e kasama ko nang tumanda. Pasensya ka na, iniwan nanaman ako e.
Sorry na ha? Di ko naman sinasadya. Wala lang kasi akong ibang matakbuhan e.
I always go out with my friends at night. I do it almost everyday before. But this turned out to be unusual last night. I was with my goddaughter and her friends. We were invited to celebrate Alenn Cheska’s birthday.
For me, going out at night is as easy as breathing, but that time I don’t know why I am bothered, maybe its because I’m with my 15-year old Goddaughter. She really doesn’t look like 15, she even looks older than me and she’s already matured. Her name is Jeanne. We seem like sisters since then. I stay at their house for almost a week now, from the day I got sick. Last night, we decided to be at Tomas Morato and of course we have to go out together.
When we arrived, it took me hard time to feel easy at the bar. Not because I’m with her friends but because it is pretty unusual for me to have a relative younger than me that smokes and drinks with me. I feel like I am the one to blame for influencing her of all the vices she got. Though I didn’t taught her to smoke her lungs out and drain her liver with alcohol, I feel like I got her out of control. I even do light up her cigarette and ice her drinks which supposedly I should not. I should be the one to warn her because I am years older. But because we felt like we already had this tight connection as if there were no holds barred to do everything we want, it came to a point that we already do things together. For many I might be a cool Tita/Ninang but this time it goes over the limits.
I felt like dancing that night. What I usually do is be on the ledge and get wild when I’m already sober. But when I saw Jeanne I can no longer move on the dance floor. I had this feeling that I’m pretty shy to get horny and careless. She don’t really mind what I’ll do but I really feel awkward.
I got a lot of firsts that night. It was my first time to sneak around just to go out because I’m with my goddaughter. It was my first time that I can’t answer my Tita where we came from. And lastly, I am the one who went through the blame though not all the things that happened to Jeanne that night is no longer my choice.
I’ve been watching chick and romance flicks for the past few days. Then there came to a point that I realized that I already had my ideal guy through the movies that I’ve watched. A lot told me that the main reason why I’ve been into romance flicks more than the usual is that I is in love. Well, I therefore say, I am not. I just happened that I want to watch something that could inspire my busted love line. And to tell the truth, it did. I wished to experience the stories that I’ve watched. I’d been hoping all through out that I’ll have the sweetest story a woman can ever tell.
Waiting for someone sweet, loyal and would do anything for you. But then I realized that maybe I was just drunk by the intoxicating emotions that I felt when I’m watching the movies. The movies are just fooling us. Trying to relate some of our stories then make it a happy ending. Stories that will leave us hanging, hoping. Even the perfect love story ends, when the other dies it ends, someone’s left, and someone will get hurt. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS HAPPY ENDING.
I wonder why we are still hoping that someday we’ll find the real man. Why do we keep on loving someone can’t love us back and ignore the ones who can love us more than we can fancy? It’s because there’s something about humans that compel them to hope and believe that maybe after pains, they’ll get happiness in return. Just like in the movies.
I took me a hard time to wait for chances for someone to poof out of nowhere to be my perfect man. I want him sweet, loyal, caring, someone that can be trusted lifelong. But the mere fact is, it will take me 500 years to find him. No one’s perfect. Every man no matter how perfect he seems, he still have flaws, he’ll hurt you the most painful way he could.
I want someone:
1. SWEET. (no one can be sweet the way I define it)
2. LOYAL (whether you trust a guy or not, even you spy over him, he will always find a way to cheat)
3. I’M MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN HIS EYES (How about Maria Ozawa?)
4. I WANT TO BE HIS TOP PRIORITY (How about DOTA?)
5. UNIQUE (So yeah, looking for a geek)
6. SPENDS TIME WITH ME (Yuh, guys spends time with their girls for three hours)
BULLCRAP, I’M WAITING FOR AN ALIEN.
There’s no such thing as perfect happy endings, it is our choice on how would we make it happy and perfect for us. Enjoy while it lasts.
Well obviously, my full name is PRECIOUS SARAH SIERDA. (And now you are switching to Facebook tab. Err. read this first. >.<) My nick was given around 2nd year High by someone I can’t really forget.. my first love, this was so high school, YUCKKKK! But yeah, he did. All these years I thought “Prex” came out from my first name PREcious and X from my favorite letter by that time because only few got X on their names. And so I thought another factor why he added X instead of any other letter is because I’m a bit boyish by that time and I got some lesbian tendencies and he knew in the first place that I hate my first name cause it sounds way too feminine. I hate my first name, I REALLY DO.
I’d been attached to this guy for years, thinking he’s the one, I knew it formyself that he’s really kindhearted, he even served for the Parish. Haha. Another proof he’s kinda benevolent. (Hoy hindi naging kami ha, High School nga e!) After this guy graduated, since he was a year-ahead from me I no longer had a single way to see him, he got no social networking accounts and he’s just texts me from his mom’s phone since he believes that he doesn’t barely need one. His mom died when I was fourth year High, I attended his mom’s funeral, I was there but he didn’t let him know. A lot attended the funeral because his mom is a public servant, I saw him crying, and I never saw him cry that way until that day.
A year after, before I graduate. He texted me, out of my surprise he got my number. I’ve been switching to different networks and digits by that time so I didn’t expect that he’d still be able to contact me. That was the last time he texted, he told me that his family is about to sink by that time. After his mom died, his father kept on bringin’ bitches on their house, and his brother, a very loyal and faithful husband turned out to have two wives. A lot happened after his mom died. They dropped financially, emotionally and spiritually.
The last time we got this talk, he was crying, and I really wonder why is he sorry. He’s crying the same way when his mom died. I heard a lot of goodbyes, and obviously I cried too. And finally before we end, he told me the reason why he’s regretful and apologetic by that time. “Gusto ko itama lahat ng pagkakamali ng pamilya ko. Magpapari na ko.”
And then one time when I just tripped on typing my nick on Google, that was the very first time I knew, PREX stands for Parish Renewal Experiece. Crap.
Last night as I watch TV. I came out to realize that I was just having sex not because I love the person whom I had sex with. I’m just doing it to satisfy myself and get out from the gloomy feeling I had each day.
Yeah sometimes, I sound like an expert on love, but honestly I can’t even think of my own love stories, it always ends up to be tragic. I sound like an expert on sex, but I don’t know to which extent I could do it without love.
I am always attracted to men. They always say that I’m good at sex, and at some point I want it that way. I want them to like me for being good at sex because I think I don’t have anything else to be attractive. This is the most pathetic thing I knew about me.
When I like the person, I give in easily. It’s not because I am easy to get, but in my point of view it would be my only way to have him. I’d been missing the essence of courtship for a year now. And it was really my fault why I’m still single.
I’m used to one-night dilemmas. I no longer expect.
Everyone thought that I’m jolly, free-spirited and positive. But when I set forth and find myself, I don’t think they have the right idea of my personality.
I hope someday someone could find me attractive without even thinking about sexing me in the future.
I don’t really watch TV, but because its Sunday and I’m effin’ bored, I had no other options but to turn on and watch. I got home by 3pm so I feel really dizzy by that time, I slept over it and the time I woke up the program was “Goin’ Bulilit.”
K, I had a couple of laughs but what I loved the most is what I saw at the end of the program. They flashed some behind the scene shots from their trip to Vigan, and yeah, I saw the kids really excited over McDonald’s counter. Then I saw how amazed Nash Aguas is when he got his happymeal toy.
I started to reminisce of my childhood and realized how happy I am everytime my mom brought me toys home. It was really easy to feel happiness by then. And now, a single piece of plastic or stuffed animal can no longer make me feel excited and contented.
Like every other girl around, I need a boytoy now to make me feel satisfied.
And yeah, that feels better than having a piece of rubber or else right?
Minsan nagiging malungkot tayo para malaman natin yung halaga ng pagigigng masaya. Mahihirapanan, magmumukang tanga pero sa huli di na tayo papayag na saktan ulit.
Maraming tao ang ayaw magseryoso sa buhay. Pwede ikaw, ako, kahit sino.
At maraming tao ang rin ayaw magseryoso pagdating sa love. (LOL)
Pero hindi lahat sila manloloko.
Pwedeng nawalan lang ng tiwala, nawalan na ng pag-asa, at kung ano-ano pa. O sadyang di lang niya masabi na hindi ka niya gusto kaya naiisip mong pinaasa ka, e di ka naman kasi inutusan umasa, sino ba kasing tanga?
Pero kahit ano pang mawala, dadating at dadating yung panahon na mararamdaman mong gusto mo ulit i-try. Alam mo naman sa sarili mo na masaya ka, pero para hindi sapat, parang may kulang, parang ay kailangan magpuno.
Minsan hindi lahat ng tawa mo, totoo, hindi porket masarap ka kasama, wala ka ng problema, karaniwan kasi yung mga may malaking ngiti at pinakamalakas na tawa, sila pala yung may pinakamaraming dinadamdam, dinadaan na lang sa tawa.
Pero dadating din yun, kahit minsan din magiging masaya sila, kahit saglit lang.
I am literally coughing my lungs out at this moment. I took 5 different pills every after meal. Still, nothing gone better. I was wrapped by five layers of cloth yesterday alone. I had no one to be with. My mom was out for two days. All I can do is to send group messages asking if anyone could come and help me out.
When I felt this numbness, I started to realize three things:
1. I got no friends.
2. I need my mom.
3. The reason why I got sick is that I haven’t took alcohol for 4 straight days.
I don’t have close friends who lives nearby. I have friends around here but none of them are tight to me to do me a favor. It was really hard to ask someone to bring you food and meds when you seem unapproachable. I can’t get up, and I need someone to do things for me, but yeah, I got no one. My friends are texting me but they weren’t able to come. All of them are advising me to take plenty of water, I did. In fact if I took alcohol instead of water I must be DEAD DRUNK by now. I think I already drunk 5 sinks, no don’t get literal.
I think I got to take some speech classes by now cause I’m no longer pulling clear word pronunciations from my mouth. I have to blow my nose every six minutes to get things back to normal, including normal speaking. And my mom? She’s not around. I’ve hated her for being a perfectionist in my entire life but now I realized I would possibly die without her. No one’s gonna take care of me. I thought being independent makes you happy and free but now I changed my mind, it’ll just put up major responsibilities you shouldn’t be facing yet.
Until now I can’t figure out why the hell I got sick. I don’t play with the rain. Tho I got weak immune system, I can’t still imagine that I’m the only one who’s sick at this moment. Oh not really, Eve is sick too. I took some time to think how did I got sick. And hell yeah, I found the very answer. I didn’t took alcohol for 4 days straight. It is very unusual. Philosophically thinking, ethyl alcohol is used to disinfect and the reason why I was invaded by the viruses is that I didn’t took alcoholic drinks for 4 days.
Every girl becomes vulnerable every time they got hurt, maybe everyone does, no matter what their gender is. Comfort & ample talk might take away those tears off quite some time but it’ll be there, it’ll stay until someone wipes that for them. When we’re ready to face everything, without turning back, when it comes that we no longer compare our past with our present. When we already found ourselves stronger than before, when it happens that we’re now ready to step out of the box… that would be the very time we already moved on. We can never tell when would that be but that would be the perfect time we’ll stop crying our hearts out.
It is normal to have fear on entering a romantic relationship after a break up scenario. It would be really impossible to entertain someone to enter you’re recently fucked up life, isn’t it?
Well because I’m normal, I once had that feeling. I’d been afraid to take love that easy. It was 11 days after I broke up when I met someone who’d been really interested with me. It was a Christmas day (2009) the first time we met, I really don’t have any idea that he already liked me since. But I’ll be lying if I say I didn’t like him too. I like him but I’m just not that into him. Maybe the reason behind that, is that I’d been comparing him with my last x. And he’s also fresh from break up and I’m not sure if he really broke up with that girl. I’m afraid; I don’t want to be left again.
Since the time I’ve been single, what I just want WAS, to hurt anybody else around me, the guys to be specific. I kept on rejecting guys after I broke up with the first Sagittarian in my life. And the guy I met on a Christmas day? He’d never been an excuse to that habit, I rejected him the third time we met (New Year’s Day).
That guy was in touched with me by the short time frame we had. He kept on texting me like everybody does, but he’s not much of a texter. Since I’m fresh from break up, I used to go out with my friends and different people I met. Clubs, bars, out of towns and so on. So it’s normal that I go home at dawn. Around 2:00AM or later he’ll wait for me until I go online on Y!M. I can’t really remember what are we talking about by that time, but it’s just that I felt like I also want to have that chat with him too.
Before New Year’s Day her girl told me to get off from him. I was really surprised, I didn’t know that they’re still attached; I thought they already broke up. But since I know how it feels to have another girl around your guy, I came up to a decision that I should let him go though I’m quite interested. I don’t want another girl to get hurt just like me.
Then when New Year’s Day came, in my surprise, that guy asked me to be his girl. And I didn’t let him to be my man. For me that was fast, I mean, we haven’t known each other for long. And I thought he’s just like every other guy around, taking advantage of my vulnerability? I dunno. I’m confused. I still ended up rejecting him.
He kneeled in front of me, I saw those tears flowing over his eyes. But I didn’t care, that wasn’t enough if I’ll compare it with the tears I’ve been crying over the sleepless days & nights. He asked over and over again that day. But I still kept on rejecting him too. I rejected him with my voice laughing, in front of his very face. Well I enjoyed seeing him hurting. To be honest, I really did.
When I got home, I got this guilty feeling. I like him too but I don’t love him. But it’s done and I don’t mind turning back. I haven’t heard of him for long since then. And I’ve been engaged with a girl to girl relationship.
Four months after, I got really bored and when I’m bored I send group messages. And he’s still up by that time and he invited me to their house, and so I agreed just because I’m bored. We had a drink.
When we woke up, we end up cuddling each other. I really don’t know what happened but I ended up liking him since then. When I’m on my way home, he took a cab for me because he can’t drive by morning because he doesn’t still have a license. I kept on smiling inside the cab, I just felt like I want to smile. And the cab driver asked me why am I smiling, and I said I don’t know. Then he told me I might be in love. He’s three years younger than me. And I’m somehow fairly insane to say that I’m now attached to him. I dunno but think I ended up loving him now. And this is fast. This is something unusual. I never had this feeling before, I mean it.
After that day, I knew that he really broke up with that girl by December, and he’s telling the truth and the girl just told me to be off because she still loves him. And he’d been teased by his friends since the day I rejected him. I’m the first girl who rejected him and it was really a big deal for them. And I knew he’s a Sagittarian. The second Sagittarian enters my life.
I like him, just now. But it’s too late and I’m not sure if he still likes me too. I asked my guy friends if it’s still impossible if he’ll court me again after what I did. And all of them say, of course no, he never will again. Now I realized that it is true that fear is the most infectious disease in existence.
I’m with him last night, just playing cards. Yeah, it’s nonsense but I felt like there’s something with him that makes me happy. We didn’t spoke that much and we talked about nonsense, I’ve drawn something on his arm and that was it. But he made me happy. I dunno, things should go like this. Then the next day he just left me.
And there’s no time left today I really wanna let him know but I shouldn’t. I’m scared. I want to step aside of this. He’s still here but this hasn’t been easy. Until now I can’t believe that Astrology was right again.
Sagittarius + Leo = Perfect match. In me, Sagittarians finds compatibility that is very hard to beat, and I love the warmth and power they radiate — they reflect my own frankness. Very few star signs can handle the blunt approach of a Sagittarian, but I can. I just don’t only handle them; I thrive on them. I can’t resist them, only them. But Sagittarians will always have the large capability to hurt me and they will always will. And I’m afraid he will. I shouldn’t expect, I shouldn’t assume, I shouldn’t have fell. I shouldn’t have hurt.
I’ve lied a while ago when I said there will be a perfect time for healing. It is always our choice to move out of the crap. There’s no such thing as “perfect time”, it is up to us when to make it perfect.
Oh well, there’s something with Sagittarians that can turn down Leans pride. I did you wrong, but can I take you back now? Or is this time to let this go?
I thought I didn’t need you. But then I realized what I missed.. was you. There were things that I’ve done to you that I regret. Will you forgive me, I don’t deserve this. I know it wasn’t worth it.
I promise I’ll get off from Sagittarians from now on.
LOVE IS NOT BLIND… IT SEES BUT IT DOESN’T MIND.